I love TV adverts. They mostly treat viewers like idiots, and yet those idiots still buy the products they’re advertising.

Whoever invented advertising was a genius.

A particular Citroen advert is my latest pet hate. After some snow about a month ago (complete with the obligatory country-grinding-to-a-halt phenomenon), Citroen have decided that so snow-covered is the UK that they need to make their cars appear more drivable in the snow than the average car. Introducing Snow Motion, an automatic system that allows you to drive through snow like it’s not there. Wow, that’s amazing.

So, not only have they renamed traction control, they have also limited its apparent usefulness to during snowy weather.

But wait…

When driving off (up to 3mph) in difficult conditions…

Sadly, that’s not a typo. Snow Motion only helps when you’re driving at 3mph or slower. That’s slow. Considering Citroen seem to think it’s a huge selling point, you’re only going to use it for a fraction of your journey. And not every journey – only when it has snowed, or is a little bit icy. Maybe in the wet. Ok, I’m pretty sure “in the wet” doesn’t qualify as a “difficult condition”. So when was it last snowy and icy? Yes, a month or so ago. And the time before that? Hmm, about a whole year before. And before that? Another whole year before.

And there’s more.

Snow Motion creates a real improvement of drive, safety and an automatic handling that eliminates the apprehension of non informed drivers.

“Non informed drivers”? I can’t think of any other interpretation than “idiots”. So, if you’re an idiot who is apprehensive about pulling away in the snow, you could just be very careful, and learn how to drive according to the driving conditions by experience.

Or, and this option is recommended by Citroen, you could go out and buy a new car with Snow Motion, and pretend it’s not snowing and that there’s definitely no ice anywhere. Just don’t drive faster than 3mph.