Whoever invented advertising was a genius.

A particular Citroen advert is my latest pet hate. After some snow about a month ago (complete with the obligatory country-grinding-to-a-halt phenomenon), Citroen have decided that so snow-covered is the UK that they need to make their cars appear more drivable in the snow than the average car. Introducing Snow Motion, an automatic system that allows you to drive through snow like it’s not there. Wow, that’s amazing.

So, not only have they renamed traction control, they have also limited its apparent usefulness to during snowy weather.

But wait…

When driving off (up to 3mph) in difficult conditions…

Sadly, that’s not a typo. Snow Motion only helps when you’re driving at 3mph or slower. That’s slow. Considering Citroen seem to think it’s a huge selling point, you’re only going to use it for a fraction of your journey. And not every journey – only when it has snowed, or is a little bit icy. Maybe in the wet. Ok, I’m pretty sure “in the wet” doesn’t qualify as a “difficult condition”. So when was it last snowy and icy? Yes, a month or so ago. And the time before that? Hmm, about a whole year before. And before that? Another whole year before.

And there’s more.

Snow Motion creates a real improvement of drive, safety and an automatic handling that eliminates the apprehension of non informed drivers.

“Non informed drivers”? I can’t think of any other interpretation than “idiots”. So, if you’re an idiot who is apprehensive about pulling away in the snow, you could just be very careful, and learn how to drive according to the driving conditions by experience.

Or, and this option is recommended by Citroen, you could go out and buy a new car with Snow Motion, and pretend it’s not snowing and that there’s definitely no ice anywhere. Just don’t drive faster than 3mph.

The fruit of over a year of preparation took place in late December: our wedding. It was the perfect day, and it went with no hiccups, no problems, and no disappointments. It feels like it happened only a few days ago, but it was 13 weeks ago tomorrow. We don’t have the photos back from the photographer yet, but as soon as we do I’ll create an album in the gallery for them; and I’ll also try to collect together any photos that other people took – there are already some on Facebook and other places.

January was mostly quiet. Charlie and I had some time off work after the wedding to relax, enjoy being newly married, and let it all sink in (I still don’t think it has for me yet).

However, it became interesting in February. We had a little bit of snow. Ok, a fair amount of snow; the news told us we hadn’t seen so much snow for 18 years, but personally I don’t think there’s much value in measuring how much we had – it was more than none, and it was less than enough to stop people from getting out of their houses and buying as much milk and bread as they could find. You know, more bread than anyone could possibly eat before its use-by date.

But of course, although we get snow pretty much every year, even the slightest snowfall brings the country, particularly the transport infrastructure, to a grinding halt. And then people start using the snow as an excuse not to go to work. People drive like idiots, down the middle of the road, as if the kerb is now bristling with tyre-popping spikes. Fortunately it only lasted for a week or so, the MET Office’s predictions becoming more hilariously inaccurate with each passing hour. But that’s it for snow, until next year.

Then the snow thawed. And then it refroze. And then, like a 94-year-old man, I took a tumble on the ice and landed on my poor hand, while holding my car keys. But after a call to NHS Direct, a few trips to hospital (including A&E), 2 sets of x-rays, more GP visits and phonecalls than I can remember, and about three weeks off work, it seems I didn’t fracture my scaphoid. Or maybe I did, I don’t know – I never got to see the x-rays. And I’m not sure anyone else did, either.